I tried...I honestly tried.
I adore Buffy and Willow and I trust them unquestionably. However, I have been sitting here for days waiting and not that I am impatient, I'm usually not. But each day, each hour, each bloody sodding second that she is with that evil bastard.....
Which is why I HAD to do something...something that could possibly be constrewed as...insane. However I just cannot seem to care at the moment. Perhaps it's my demon...soul aside, Jennifer Walsh is OURS and we are bloody well going to get her!!!!!
Leaving Chrisy's wasn't hard. She's out for the evening and told me I could use her other jeep. Her OTHER jeep. Yes, you know you're a damn fine piece of ass when you have 2 jeeps. She's not a bad person...but she's not who I desire...she isn't MINE.
JENNIFER IS MINE.
I park the jeep and slip up to the house, being careful because who knows what Jennifer's mother has rigged. I sniff around for a few minutes...I'm a very thorough bitch...and once I'm comfortable that I shan't catch a stake through my heart by busting the fucking door down, that is exactly what I do!
I can't see my feet.. but I know my ankels are swollen.. my blood sugar is high and I ahvent even eaten anything sweet, I had to adjust my insulin jsut a few minutes ago when I took my shot.. and my feet hurt.. I've been walking around this mall forever and even managed to Drag Tangi with me.. tho her and Marley and Tyler are at the food court eating, I wasn't very hungry, I had a salad and that was it.. and some milk to..
I have managed to get everything I came for.. Tyler is growing and he needed some bigger clothing.. now he has several new outfits.. and Marely also, we got her some pretty dresses.. and Blu.. we got him some very handsome short sets and a couple sweaters since he grew out of his jsut last week..
I head back tot he food court and take a seat beside tangi who seems to be not looking to well
Buffy and I went to see Chanel yesterday. We managed to convince her to NOT do anything for the moment...which, she only agreed to because we convnced her that we DO believe her, that somethin's goin' on.
Ok, perhaps I used a wee bit o'magick to help our cause...Buffy said it was ok!
She really looked bad...Chanel, not Buffy, Buffy could never look bad. But Chanel...she was way paler than usual and there were really dark circles under her eyes...I bet she hasn't slept much...and I don't think she's eating a whole lot, either. She's lost weight.
I don't think this, Chrisy girl she's living with is helping, at all...I saw a few bruises on her. Buffy wasn't happy, but at least here we know where she is and that no one can hurt her...well, no one in the family, anyway.
Giles is such a poopyhead!
I tried talking to him for 2 hours, explaining that maybe, just maybe, there was really something going on. Ok, Buffy and Kelly and Vi and I know there is...but I thought I'd use a more subtle approach with him...you know how he is. But of course, mr pighead refused to even allow the slightest chance that there was. He's all up Walsh's ass...yes, I said ass, kinda mad here! Hee's all with the, Maggie said this and Maggie wants to do that, I swear, I wanted to throw up!
So, for now, it's just the 4 of us workin' on figuring out what exactly is going on...because we know...something definately is!
I love Willow as a daughter...I treasure her friendship, admire her strength and appluaud her intellect and courage, however she is thee, THEE most stubborn, pigheaded...bloody hardheaded woman I have ever bloody met!
To insist...no, to DEMAND that I even question Jennifer and Charles, much less investigate is thee absolute most ridiculous and insulting thing she has ever said to me.
I realize that she and Chanel are close. I care about the poor girl as well, however, it is far time that something be done about her. She is far too out of control and, as much as it pains me to say, a security risk to the entire family...and a danger to herself. Which is why she must be found and placed in proper confinement...and by that, I mean somewhere safe and comfortable for all involved, including Chanel herself. Somewhere she can recieve the treatment she deserves...I want her happy and well and why can't that witch see that?!
*hits the heavy bag HARD*
Calling me, self absorbed...ME!
I love family.
I especially love MY family.
My beautiful daughter...her handsome husband...my adorable grandson...
It's been so long since Jennifer and I have been able to be in the same room together without the rage...the hatred...the truth.
But now...now, not only did I take my grandson camping this weekend, last night, when we returned home, I had dinner with my daughter and played 500 rummy afterwards.
There was nothing but love and respect in that room.
And today, this beautiful Monday morning, my daughter and I will be working together.
All it takes, is love, respect...and magick.
I woke up to the smell of warm pig's blood and fresh fruit.
It may sound rather, ew, to most, but to this vampire, it was heavenly.
This is thee second morning I have woken NOT in the arms of MY Jennifer. But I quickly pushed that thought aside...far too exhausted to allow myself the pain.
Opening my eyes, I found my mistress, a smile on her face, standing over me, tray in hand.
Every bloody, no pun intened, bit. And not just the blood and fruit. After, she told me she needed to go and take care of some business and that she would be gone for a few hours, for me to make myself at home.
Since this is now my home, what could I say?
I nodded, thanked her again and then fell back asleep.
I am exhausted.
Chanel was here earlier tonight.
We came back from patrol and Dawn was all, 'She was here! She was here!' Zoey seems to have helped her, get her stuff together. Dawn's not happy...she keeps saying that Zoey was wrong and that she should have knocked Chanel out ot done something.
I don't...I'm nt sure about all of this. I mean, I like Jen and Charles alot, I do...and I adore Davy...and Maggie's really cool and smart...but Chanel...dangerous?
It just doesn't feel right to me. I mean, she fed from me...and she didn't hurt me. Hello, slayer blood and she was really sick, but she didn't take too much and she was really gentle and, um, well, it kinda was...you know...I love kelly! I so do! She felt it too! After, when we went back to our room, we so...ALOT...like...ALL NIGHT!
Um...so...anywho...about Chanel...I just...I know she's got issues...I mean, I've kinda caught her doing bad stuff to herself...once...but she' wasn't even mad at me for walking in...in fact, she apologised even.
She's so nice and she so love Davy like he was her own and Jen...gawd, I've never seen someone so in love, so devoted...well, except for me and Kelly and ok, Buffy and Willow.
I just am having a hard time buying this, she should becommitted stuff. I'm probably the only one, next to Zoey...tho' I kinda think maybe Kel doesn't buy it a whole lot either.
As soon as the sun set, I left Chrisy's.
My entire body aching...my ass burning from the bloody inside...the girl DOES bloody well love her sadistic little toys...I winced the entire ride over. She reminds me of Chandler...in a small way. Tho' she has only done what was mutually agreed upon...I have my word...still, inside, in my head, I cannot feel somewhat...no, a great deal like I did when I was with my first mistress. Chrisy does enjoy being a mistress...enjoys inflicting pain...so unlike MY Jennifer she is.
Chandler Scott, dead, in another world, doesn't matter...her legacy lives on in me. I'll never be able to heal fast like a normal vampire...never lose the scars that I aquired today...and I don't rightly care. The ones I recieved looking at thee only person I have ever loved, ever WILL love, in his arms...that is a far worse pain, those scars far deeper than my mistress' crop or whip.
And I deserved every single one...for what I said to her...GOD forgive me, I didn't mean it...I hope she sees that...somewhere down the road...I hope she thinks back and remembers the pain hiding behind the faux cold...
But more so, the one thing I shall NEVER forgive myself for...letting her take me there...begging her to...and choking back the one word I so desperately wanted to...NEEDEDto scream...
After my mistress finished chastizing me...no...abusing me, there is no other word, I came back to the Hyperion and watched...waiting patiently, until all of the vampires were gone...waited from a distance...after leaving bits of my clothing I had cut up at various places along the way...and out of the way.
That should confuse my fellow undead bloody rightly!
Once I was sure that they were gone, and that the slayers were out, I slipped into the hotel and upstairs to what used to be...ourroom. I admit, walking in here nearly killed me...again. Her scent is everywhere...and yes, I did take a moment to swim in it. Especially the bed...the sheets covered in US. I'm still lying here, face down, eyes closed as I breath her in...imagining she's behind me...
I woke up this morning with a nasty headache. However, it left in no time and after it was gone, I felt surprisingly refreshed.
A good thing, too, as how today is the day Jennifer and Charles come over to discuss the new eveil heading our way. I must say, it is rather nice, having the support of Maggie Walsh and the Initiative...makes our job here a bit easier...they have resources we simply do not. Plus, the added bonus of manpower...not to mention, Jennifer and Charles...they are a most formidable team, I do say.
I do feel bad for Chanel, tho'...we all thought she was doing so well...not only finally accepting her break with Jennifer but moving on herself. 6 years is a long time to live in denial. Alas, she has had yet another breakdown and, I fear, this one may do her in.
The girls are on alert...Angel, Xander, Spike, all have been searching for her. We want to find her, bring her home so we can get her the help she needs.
I just hope we can find her before it's too late.....
Its been a long while since I had to flush my goldie, she died and you do that to fish when they die.. besides theres no place around the hotel to burry a fish..
I finally cleaned her big bowl out and put it all away.. its in the closet now.. I don't think I want another pet.. ever.. I been cleaning all day.. our suite was a very big mess.. but tis very clean and smelling pretty now..
I even changed the sheets.. I bought more this morning.. not that we didn't ave any.. but I saw some really pretty pink ones with flowers on them, I thought Vinny woudl like them, sine they are pink, and he likes Pink.. so I bought them.. they look pretty on the bed.. 'specially since I got the comfortr to match..
I prolly shouldnt' have bought them without asking Vinny first.. but I didn't think he would be to upset after he sees how pretty they really are..I haven't been very hungry.. Alex said I still had to take the medication.. got an ulcer.. whatever those are.. but I didn't feel really hungry.. so I jsut bought a bag of plain with no salt popcorn.. casue everything here has lottsa butter on it and it hurts my stomach..
Popcorn is about all I eat.. besides dry toast and plain tea.. there the only things that don't hurt my tummy..tho I been telling Vinny that I been eating a whole lot more.. but I really haven't.. its sjut easier to tell him I been eating properly, then he dosen't get mad, and I don't go to bed with a sore bottom and an upset and sore tummy from being made to eat..
I go to the bathroom with my cleaning stuff and start scrubbing the wole bathroom down with they lysol